On the Plains of Moab Blog
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February 29, 2012, 12:01 PM

The World's Most Interesting Man



Now, of course, we realize -- or should realize -- that we do not need the world's most interesting man for our most basic need.  We need the most faithful man!  Yet still, here is a listing of all (at least, most of them) the great one-liners from that Dos Aquis commercial:

  • If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.
  • Both sides of his pillow are cool.
  • When in Rome, they do as he does.
  • His words carry weight that would break a less interesting mans jaw.
  • He’s won trophies for his game face alone.
  • He bowls… Overhand.
  • He is the life of parties he has never attended.
  • If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off the urge to thank him.
  • Sharks Have a week dedicated to him.
  • Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
  • His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser mans body.
  • His blood smells like cologne.
  • He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.
  • If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
  • The pheromones he secretes effect people miles away… in a slight, but measurable way.
  • He once punched a magician. That’s right, you heard me.
  • His hands feel like rich, brown swede.
  • He lived in the hills of the Serengeti for a summer after being gifted a wife by a local tribes men.
  • He owns 4 sports cars, and rents 5.
  • He taught a horse to read his email for him.
  • He almost broke the land speed record in 1977, popular opinion among his team was that his beard caused to much wind resistance. He would have shaved it… No, no he wouldn’t have.
  • He was the featured man at a bachelorette auction he brought in over 13 million euro, under the table.
  • His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
  • Even his enemy’s list him as there emergency contact.
  • He never say’s anything taste like chicken… Not even chicken.
  • He speaks fluent French, in Russian.
  • His charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
  • Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.
  • He is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.
  • Every time he goes for a swim. Dolphins appear.
  • Alien abductors have asked him, to probe them.
  • If he we’re to give you directions… You would never get lost. And you’d arive at least 5 minutes early.
  • His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
  • His reputation is expanding, faster then the universe.
  • He once had an akward moment, just to see how it feels.
  • He lives vicariously throug himself.
  • He’s been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room.
  • He’s a lover… Not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so Don’t get any ideas.
  • He once visited a Psychic…to warn her.
  • Bear hugs are what he gives bears
  • He once taught a German Shepard how to bark in Russian.
  • His organ donor card also includes his beard.
  • People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.
  • He’s against cruelty to animals, but isn’t afraid to give a stern warning.
  • Chihuahuas have never barked at him, he is just that intimidating.
  • When he goes for a swim he doesn’t get wet, the water gets him.
  • The last time he shaved, he donated a double-king sized comforter to an orphanage.

Stay Thirsty My Friends!

 


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